Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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