Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I miss vodka workout Fridays
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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