Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
