I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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