I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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