Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
