We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
