I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
