Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
