Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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