i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
