How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
