her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
