We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We need to rekindle our bromance
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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