a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
