Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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