we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
