you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
