sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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