He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
