I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
