I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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