Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
there's paper in my vomit.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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