By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
