hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
