Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
