Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
