You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
