so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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