i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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