I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
