i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
