walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
