dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
