Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
