Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
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