Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
