phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
