What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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