I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
