using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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