That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
