i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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