i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
