ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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