Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
