I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
