whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
