he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
