my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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