get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
