he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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