i think i have herpe
just one?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
